so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
