How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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