I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
