would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You ate ashes out of my bong
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
