Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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