Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
