I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
