Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
