You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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