I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
