it hurts more in the daytime
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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