the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
