I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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