but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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