I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He better not be in your backpack
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
