I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
