i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
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your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
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You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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