it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
