I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
How does one acquire holy water?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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