..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
