Need sex. Gaining weight.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
