Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
