When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
