At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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