Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
