I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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