Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
