On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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