While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
