Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
