you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
