you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
