i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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