Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made out with two different species that night
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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