He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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