drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Dicks are not precious.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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