I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
