I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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