oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
