did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize