Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
