Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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