You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
