Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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