Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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