If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
