i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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