Got a toothbrush?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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