Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
