why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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