so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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