Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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