I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
