Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
