NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
