please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
