yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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