I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The struggles of a small town man whore
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
