bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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