I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
