Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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