I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
it's great music for shaving your balls
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
