I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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