My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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