I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
