Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
