Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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