Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
