He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
