Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
