Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
