I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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