That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
