grandma shit on top of the toilet
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
