i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
