You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
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