im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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