I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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