I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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