fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
