My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
