you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
