Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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